As I was going through my memories on Facebook the other day, I came across a post that I wrote back in 2009 under the pseudonym Nya Aingeal. I figured that it was something that all of us can stand to be reminded of.
I hope it resonates with you, my dear friend!
Last night was a very busy one for me where communication with the other realms is concerned it seems. Among them was the message, “Be a friend to yourself”. It was this communique that happened to wake me up at quarter to three o’clock in the morning, and it was this thought that started my mind a-going and made it rather difficult to go back to sleep for awhile later. It carries with it, after all, a very simplistic message, but, if we’re honest with ourselves, how often are most of us friends to ourselves?
I, myself, have recently gone through a bit of a transition in my life, moving from one state to another. Granted, this is nothing new for me. I’ve only ever lived in the same spot for a few years at a time since I was small and having been an only child, one would think that I’d be practiced in the art of friendship with myself. When I truly consider it, though, I am coming to know myself, but how well do I accept myself? How well do I treat myself as a friend? I don’t. The notion had never even occurred to me until last night.
How does one treat one’s self like a friend? That was another thing that occupied my mind in the wee hours of the night. In my attempt to answer this, I turned to Google. Not because I don’t think I know how to be a good friend, but because I wasn’t sure what defines a good friend. So, I offer these points taken from 6 Ways To Be A Good Friend: The Health Benefits of Friendship and a Strong Support Network as offered by .
1. Spend time together.
2. Make friends a priority.
3. Be there for the good and bad.
4. Don’t keep score.
5. Notice the little stuff.
6. Focus on the positive.
The article offers good explanations for these points. However, what I’m here to discuss is how these things relate to being friends with one’s self.
1. Spend time together. We all spend time with ourselves, every day 24/7, but the majority of us are so filled with our to-do lists and endless mind chatter, how much time do we truly tune into our inner selves? How often do we actually listen to ourselves for hints of the things that we need to grow and thrive as an individual?
One could say, I suppose, that it is our Inner Child that we are listening for, a child that needs to get out and play in the sun and fresh air, every day to be healthy. How does one do that? The answer is different for each and every one of us. One only needs to tune in inwardly to discover it. For some, it could be actually going outside to play in one form or another. For others, it could be a treat offered. Either way, to truly be in touch with and nurture one’s Inner Child is akin to drinking from the Fountain of Youth.
2. Make friends a priority. The vast majority of us have been raised to believe that to focus on one’s self and his/her needs is egocentric, and perhaps it is, but this does not equate to being ‘selfish’ as many would have us believe otherwise.
Many of us find ourselves to be more comfortable seeing to the needs of others long before our own needs are satisfied. Whether this is out of the belief that others, in turn, will see to our needs or that we’re afraid that to do so makes us ‘selfish’, I’m not entirely certain. All I do know is that road leads to a dead-end for if we do not first care for ourselves, we do not have the strength, whether it be physical, mental or emotional, to care for others.
3. Be there for the good and bad. By the very nature of self, there is naught else we can do other than be there for both. The question is, do we allow ourselves to feel both? This point seems to go back to the previous one. While many of us will allow our loved ones to feel the emotions that are considered to be ‘normal’ when experiencing one form of contrast or another, we tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard. This means that when we experience contrast in whatever form, we discount it or push it to the side of our hearts and minds where, more times than not, it forms a block in our energy that could at one point or another become some sort of illness or dis-ease.
4. Don’t keep score. One sentence appearing in the original article seemed to fit perfectly here. ‘If you have a good friend, cut a little slack.’ Where I am concerned, I know that I tend to cut my friends a good deal more slack than I cut myself. When it comes to the expectations I hold for myself, they are very high, and when I do not meet those expectations, I will come down exceedingly hard.
The other day holds a perfect example of this. I had planned a fun day for my kids and I. We were going to take a drive to one of the local State Parks to have a picnic. After bustling about to get our lunch and the kids together and programming Tom Tom with the address, as we had not been there yet, we got on our way. As I was backing out of the driveway, making sure that garage door was closed and Tom Tom was working, I backed into the side of a vehicle that was not normally there. This was my first ‘oops’ in at least 6 years. I haven’t even received a traffic ticket in nearly 20 years. But, yet, when this occurred, I ended up mentally coming down very hard on myself. ‘How could I have done something so stupid?’ It took the reasonings of my husband and a good friend, as well as a telephone discussion with our insurance company, for me to finally lighten up on myself. If a friend had treated me the way I treated me, I could say with all certainty that friend wouldn’t be a friend for much longer.
5. Notice the little stuff. ‘One way to be a good friend is to have short, sweet conversations’. How does this translate to our discussion here? I would think it would mean that one ought to check in with one’s self periodically. Too, notice the small things. Congratulate one’s self for even the smallest of triumphs. Even those things that don’t seem to matter to anyone else but you, make note of it and give yourself a mental ‘high five’ of sorts. It means something to you. That ought to be enough!
6. Focus on the positive. ‘To be a good friend, forget the things you wish were different’. This is absolutely true about being friends with ourselves, as well. Don’t focus on the things that you wish were different about yourself, focus on the things that are wonderful about you. At the very least, acknowledge the best thing about yourself. You are an individuation of God, by whichever name you happen to know Him/Her/It by. As such you are absolutely perfect the way you are, and it is that part of your being that is the best friend you could ever have.
With all of this in mind… I hope that you will ‘be a friend to yourself’ today and in this very moment.
Are you seeking a space that is supportive and inspiring? One in which you FEEL Divinely held? I invite you to join me and my other soul friends in my Garden.
Hope to see you there, my friend!